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SHORT STORIES AND SHIZBUCKETS
It was a beautiful day, the birds were chirping, the sun shone, and kids played happily within the small pizzeria that I worked at. I’d just turned up for my first shift ever- I’d only had the job for a day thus far -and enjoyed watching the children leaving, one by one. Once the shop was closed, I figured it’d be time to set up shop. I’d been talked through the job by management, and really- it wasn’t that hard. Just look at some cameras, sit around for a few hours, and get a check. Nothing could happen. The only issue was that the facility had limited power, but would I really use that much of it? It just seemed too useless to care about, they even said it was “of no concern”. So, with that in mind, I strode into my office and sat down in the large, wheeled chair that occupied the space. I glanced around. The lighting of the room was old and worn, a bit yellowed, and several drawings hung from the walls. A low, constant groan came from the dusty fan whirring within the room. A monitor sat on the desk in front of me, along with a poster sporting the three characters the pizzeria inhabited. I decided to peek at the cameras, and there they were- Bonnie the Bunny, Freddy Fazbear, and Chica the Chicken -all in their correct spots on the stage. I remembered, when I was little, there was another one, but I didn’t think it was used anymore. Either way, I shut the monitor and laid back in my chair, eating some chips I’d snuck past my boss. After a while, I got bored, and checked the cams again. To my horror, one of them was missing. The purple bunny- Bonnie, it was called -had somehow gotten off on its own. Flipping through the other cams, I quickly found out where it’d gone off to- right next to my door. I slammed my hand on a button near the door, closing it immediately. I quivered in my chair. As another surprise, I heard it speak. “H-H-Hey,” it chirped, its voice stuttery and broken, “why’d ya s-s-shut me out?” I shivered some more, gulped, and slowly rose up out of my chair. “Go away, you creepy.. thing!” I huffed, attempting to act brave, but failing miserably. It looked at me for a moment, piercing my gaze. It tilted its head, as if it were processing what I’d just said. It started to laugh. “I-I-I’m not cr-cr-creepy! How ab-ab-about we get you some piz-” The words cut off. It shut down momentarily and then shot back up in a fit of hysteric twitches. I shot back in surprise as the lumbering robotic rabbit started attempting to break the door down. At this moment I started to get a little- no, scratch that- a LOT more worried. I ducked under my desk, hands on my ears. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but when I looked back up, the thing was gone. I slowly got back up into my chair, adjusting my security hat and sighing with relief. By now, almost any noise scared me, so you could imagine my panic when the phone rang. I answered it, turning on the speakerphone to better multitask. “Uh- hello? Hello? Uh.. I wanted to record a message for you.. To help you get settled in on the first night,” the voice stated. Settled? Settled? This- the rabbit, the noises, -THIS needed more than settling. I huffed angrily at the phone, but didn’t hang up. If this guy had any advice, I’m assuming I’d need it. “Hold on, I’ve got some.. uh.. routine management stuff, from corporate, y’know.. Hmm.. Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, a place where fantasy and fun come to life, blah blah blah. Anyway, uh.. you are in no danger whatsoever while you are here, however, Fazbear Entertainment assumes no responsibility for damage to property or person..” the voice trailed off, listing more useless things about the company. I started to sweat. Damage to person? I thought. Something was up about this place. After a while, the phone guy started actually talking about the position I worked. “So.. the only real risk to you is the fact that the animatronics may not recognize you as a person.” At that moment, my heart almost stopped, and I rushed over to the phone to listen more closely. “They’ll probably see you as an animatronic endoskeleton. Now, that wouldn’t be that bad, except for the fact that they’ll probably try to-” the phone went dead. In fact, everything went dead. I heard the power generator splutter from the office and suddenly, every light went out. Scrambling around in the darkness, I grabbed a flashlight. Upon turning it on, I looked around me. I really wished I hadn’t, since the bear and the chicken were on either side of the office, one per door. “H-H-Hey! Looks like we’ve got a-another member for the pa-a-arty!” Freddy cheered. I backed up into my chair, gripping the flashlight shakily. The chicken stepped in a bit more. “Say, Freddy- we can’t have a party without our g-g-guest wearing her c-costume,” it clucked. I didn’t want to stick around any longer to find out what that meant, so I hurried up and ran for the door, sliding underneath the bear and then getting the heck out of there. I ran to the dining area, hearing their loud stomps trailing behind me. I glanced frantically around the space, and finally settled on hiding behind a purple, star-spangled curtain. I’d seen it on the cams earlier, and I was almost certain nothing- or no one- was behind it. I scrambled into it in a fluster, gripping the flashlight as it flickered and went out. At least they wouldn’t see me in here. I was wrong. I suddenly felt a cold hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see a towering red fox animatronic, complete with hook, sharp teeth, and eyepatch. I stifled a scream and it grabbed onto my arm and lead me- unwillingly -to the dining room. At this point, I knew it was over. I gulped and waited for something to happen. Suddenly, the lights turned on and the bots jumped out from behind some chairs. “S-Surprise!” they shouted. I blinked. “I- what..?” I stuttered. “You aren’t gonna kill me?” The robots looked at each other suspiciously and then burst into a fit of good-natured laughing. “No, those are just stupid pranks the e-employee informant likes to play on people,” the chicken chirped, setting a plate of pizza down in front of me. “We like to have p-p-parties to cel-el-elebrate the new guards!” Freddy added. I munched down on the pizza and happily listened to the animatronics tell funny stories about how they accidentally scared the guards. One time, a guy actually wet his pants. Foxy- he was the pirate -would have to be translated by the others sometimes due to his way of speech. I was having a great time until I realized that all of this- the panic, the sweating, the fearing for my LIFE -was for a surprise party. I dropped my pizza slice on the plate and stood up quickly. “Wait, so you guys are telling me that this entire debacle was just so you could throw me a SURPRISE PARTY?” I said angrily. The robots looked at each other nervously. “We thought ye’d caught on to that by now,” Foxy started, but I grabbed the pizza plate and backhanded him with it. “Nope, that’s it- I’m done. Done.” I threw my hat on the floor. “If I have to work four more nights with you things- In this.. This absolute nuthouse, then consider me gone,” I grumbled while making vivid hand motions to get my point across. Freddy chuckled nervously. “C’mon miss..” the bear looked at my nametag. “S-Skylar! Stay for at least one more p-p-pizza, on the house.” I glared daggers at him. “The only thing that’ll be on the house is your butt if you don’t leave me alone, Frederick Faz-bundles!” I grabbed a chair, picked it up, and threw it at the three still standing animatronics. And with that, I huffed and stormed out the door. Turns out I got fired the next day for jacking up the electrical bill for them and destruction of property. But, so what, I’ll take it as a blessing. After all, I’m pretty sure my new job at Chuck E. Cheese’s should be a lot better than ol’ Fazbear’s. How hard could it be?